I forgot to say last week why I was starting Tuesdays with Tish that week- because it was the first Tuesday after my birthday. I’m 31 now. Or, as my dad would say, in my 32nd year.
Turning 30 was great. Just before my birthday, I went to Victoria by myself; my first solo trip. I felt ready to turn 30. Not where I had thought I’d be at 30 when I was a teenager, but when you’re a teenager you don’t really think of life past 30. But I felt my career and life were headed in the right direction and I was ready to enter my thirties.
This birthday feels weird because this past year (well, the last eight months) has not felt like an entire year has passed. Many things that I thought would happen, and be accomplished, by my 31st birthday were not. The annual occurrences either didn’t happen or were such a different form that it doesn’t feel like they happened. The progress and milestones I thought were right ahead of me were postponed or canceled with no promise of ever happening. Am I “ready” to be 31 like I felt ready to be 30? No. It feels like being asked that in March. Am I ready to speed through the next eight months to the next checkpoint? No, I had a lot of life I wanted to live.
Okay, the eight months of pandemic life have been really not that bad for me by any measurement. But just because I didn’t lose my job or get sick, doesn’t mean I sailed on like it wasn’t even happening. My career trajectory took a big hit when major events were canceled, or changed into online versions. Other career opportunities outside of my job were lost. Outside of work, the rollercoaster of pandemic depression/anxiety made it difficult to start or maintain any creative projects. It just felt like nothing got done or advanced this year, in any part of my life, which feels like a huge set back at this stage in my career (finally in the right career and only recently narrowing in on a specific path) and my age (thirties feels like you should be done dicking around “discovering yourself”; it’s Go Time).
Has it been long enough to adjust to the New World? Can I get back on track this year? Personally, I’ve adjusted to working from home and I think I’ve mentally leveled out. As I wrote last week, I’ve been feeling lots of motivation to work on my personal projects lately, and I’m committed to keeping things going through the cold dark winter. Career plans are different, but things are happening- just online. I am working on the event that I created and once upon a time only dreamed of doing- again, very different to be doing it online but at least I am doing it! We are seeing the benefits of online events (Zoom calls instead of travel and accommodations really opens up our guest possibilities) and moving forward with our usual events and creating new online opportunities for ourselves. Things are happening… But they all come with that dark cloud of “this would be better in person.”
My year of 30 wasn’t a total waste. I learned a lot about myself and my self-motivation as I tried many techniques to stay focused while working from home. I spent a lot more time outside, and exercising, this summer than I ever have. I’ve saved up more money than I ever have had. I had a few small-but-proud career moments. I read a lot of great books (including a few novels- other than re-reading Harry Potter every few years, I can’t remember the last novel I read!). I went on another rejuvenating solo trip. Life goes on. The change was sudden and global this year, but change always happens and we always adapt. Plenty has been lost, so I’m grateful for what I have.
See you next Tuesday, online, like everything else!
Don’t forget the “uh”.
Sharing is Caring: I love puzzle adventure games on my iPad. You know, you get a story and characters to go through the levels but you’re never like shooting or running away or feeling time pressure while playing. You use your problem solving to figure out the puzzles to complete the levels. I’ve played a lot of them and could recommend a lot but I’m just going to recommend the one I just finished; Love You to Bits. It’s an adorable space adventure of a little boy(?) searching for the pieces of his robot girlfriend that got blowed up. It’s just challenging enough to be fun, not frustrating, though I admit I did consult a walkthrough for tips to find the extra mementos in each level, because I’m a completist.